Thailand
Jan 31, 2011
After many frequent flyer miles and NO sleep we arrived in Bangkok. Within a few minutes I'd already drank the water, had been plagued by a very large bug hiding in the bathroom that had seemed to pitch a tent and was going to camp out the entire time we were there for his version of "Bugstock." On our first walk down the street, within one block we had been approached and propositioned by a tourist trap lady, but were wise enough to move on. But on the plus side, we found the many shops that advertised hour long massages for $8!! We booked a stage show called "Siam Niramit" from our hotel - New World City hotel - which was amazing!! The theatre is in the Guiness Book of Records as the largest theatre - there were elephants on stage, flying acrobats and there was even rain and a stream with boats at one point!
Down the street from our hotel we made a friend named Joe - a Thai man that ran the little restaurant on the corner. He made the horrible mistake of mistaking me for my friend's mom?!?! but then he fed us a ton of free brandy and all was forgiven. We were so tired we slept until 3pm the next day since we'd been losing motor skills while having drinks at the market and seeing things...
Feb 1
After wandering around Khaosan road (backpacker's village) we found the secret door that took us into the other market. Today we had an oil massage (and the oil was plentiful) and we saw an elephant try to eat an elastic. Fun filled day.
Feb 2
Journeyed on a bus tour to the floating market and this was also the day I got to play with "baby" tigers at the sanctuary but instead of feeding them bottles I was playing with 150lb kitties that could've eaten me - I'm not ashamed to say I hid behind a female worker that actually slapped a tiger on the face. One girl got a nibble on the knee and I almost lost all of my film in the wading stream that we were playing with them in.
Dinner was pasta and a meltdown.
Finally, after only 3 days of being harassed by the souvenir ladies, I broke down and bought a bracelet which was a much better choice than the fake noisemaker frogs. After dinner we gave the rest of our food away and watched performers in the street breakdancing and doing soccer tricks. After meeting a group of guys from Nigeria we went to a club, ditched them, then they found us so we ditched them again and that's when I ordered a drink, but didn't since I was just standing behind a ledge that looked like a bar and he was just a customer. Then we met Wat and Jip and partied until 6am when we had to come back for breakfast.
Feb 3
Today we wandered around the market and had the best pineapple rice served in a pineapple ever! It was Chinese New Year so we wandered down to the little China part of town but it was mostly vendors and not the fireworks we were hoping for. Cassandra tried shark - the result was "squidgy and chewy." That night at the bar we learned to watch your drinks always and that a security guard wearing an FBI shirt does not mean that he has any relation to the police or understand a word we were saying until after a long game of charades. But since we did stay up all night again at Joe's tiny bar, we met the hybrid and stayed up all night swapping travel stories.
Feb 4
Took a plane to Krabi and checked in to Haleeva Sunshine hostel. Krabi is a great little town on the beach with longboats lining the shore. We ended up eating with a Swedish couple since there was such a long line up that we became fast friends so that we could eat sooner and we even had tofu! There was a local selling rabbit ballon heads on a stick which sent Cass over the edge doubled in laughter and when she started hearing Christmas music, we decided to call it a night.
Feb 5
Chilled out on Railay Beach with pretty drinks and got a massage. At night we chilled at the bar of many fans but not feeling like clubbing, we ended up playing Jenga at the coconut bar before we took a dip in our upgraded hot tub room.
Feb 6
After bartering for a tuk-tuk that I even got to drive (albeit he was snuggling behind me while I was distracted), the price even included him singing some song "one way ticket" that we pretended to know to sing along. We stopped at a fish farm, learned that pineapples grow from the ground and saw some old fossils on the beach. At night we wandered off to feed the monkeys which is a great idea until they actually start swarming you and then you throw the bag of food as far away from you as you can while your friend freaks out because a baby monkey is sitting on her foot. True story.
Feb 7
Today we did the Phi Phi (which sounds like pee-pee) island tour where we got to snorkel, feed the fish and see where the movie The Beach was filmed. We did shopping and eating at the same time, bought pearls, dodged the suit maker guys and got so sunburned that I had to use a whole bottle of aloe. All i have to show for this day is a picture of me with Lisa, the spider monkey and probably some skin cancer. Oh yeah, we had pizza too - why is it soo good??
Feb 8
My roomy got up early to take 400+ photos of the longboats before we headed to Phuket in what resembled a human trafficking van for the next couple hours. Patong beach here was super busy with people parasailing, selling weed or anything at all really and tourists. We met 2 Canadian Chinese guys in our van that kept stopping and dropping off people while I tried to fend off the driver who kept trying to smack my sunburn. While wandering on the beach we found an ocean nut, a jellyfish and tiny crabs....and beer. Wandering down the main strip Kata was like Krabi on steroids! I danced with a lady boy in a bar with flashing lights and we got a shout out from the live band. The boys were tuckered out but we weren't going home until we saw what a ping pong show was all about - they can do what with their what?? The boys were too chicken to come in and after only seeing some strippers and then wanting us to buy a $15 drink to stay, we split with no more knowledge than we'd stumbled in with. We settled for some tunes by a Thai Willy Nelson looking character. We then had a night flight to Bali and since we'd spent all our cash on drinks, people in the luggage line were throwing coins at us to help pay our baggage fees faster. Oops.
Feb 9
We passed out on the plane and arrived in Bali where it was even hotter! Walking down the beach the main questions were "need transport?" or "want to buy?" When it started to rain we ducked into a pearl shop and then had some guacamole at a little restaurant where we met Sonny. He was saying that he was a twin soul - his palm lines are different, one being a seven and the other a lightning bolt - one blue and one green eye and two hearts. This was exceptionally baffling since I've been writing a book and that same character is in my book!! He was a really nice guy who paid our bill and told us about how he'd been abducted as a child and sold and raised in an orphanage and grew up with natives....
Took a nap and then out to Legian st. - otherwise known as "bar" alley and danced the night away in the land of the mother disco balls. I found a lime seed in my drink and almost freaked out, but it was a false alarm. Bali is beautiful with its little shrines everywhere and woven palm leaf boxes filled with rice, flowers and candy as offerings outside all of the shops. We were taking photos on the beach and a huge group of Muslim kids ran up and posed with us faster than any group shot I've ever arranged. It rained but brought no relief from the hot and sticky weather so we found some chips and called it a night.
Feb 10
Today we slept in and then walked to the beach where we got mucho harassed and Cassandra got conned for a dress that she couldn't even change into since the vendors hovered like vultures around her. So we found a taxi guy that was literally chilling in his trunk and bargained him down to 25k to go to Uluwatu temple (monkey temple). This is when we got into our first car accident backing out onto the street but he kept our fare and decided to fix his car later. On the tour we sidled in with another group that had a guide with a sling shot after we saw the monkeys steal some ladies hat! We even saw baby monkeys before we went for a seafood dinner at a beachfront restaurant where your table is in the sand and the sunset is beautiful.
Feb 11
Lombok - Rode the streets of Bali after partying into the wee hours of the morning on a motorbike with a local Bali boy named Leon and I had to hold my head up with my helmet on while we stopped to grab petrol behind other families that piled onto bikes ahead of us. After drinking on the beach, we've picked up phrases such as "she didn't did it" and "just like dat" before jumping on a 45 minute laugh your ass off flight to Lombok island. When we disembarked I was greeted with "Mr Jen Colenutt" has arrived and wondered when this sex change had taken place?! On our way to our beach hut in paradise we spotted my friend Yona that was getting married and after a tour of our amazing accommodations we finished the day off with paninis and salad.
Feb 12
The honeymoon hut even had a pool so we spent most of the day between there and the beach where kids were selling coconuts and had a machete as tall as they were, to hack the top off. We had a pre-wedding dinner on the side of a mountain and met Harpin, our cleaning guy that also washed my face, free of charge while repeatedly saying "nice body" over and over. The rest of the night was spent with the ladies in the garden pool, helping the bride destress and have a laugh at the flood that had just ravaged the wedding venue.
Feb 13
Today was the wedding day. Little did I know that I would be surprise dressing up in bridesmaid attire by the wedding planners that reminded me of a gay dance troupe. It was a one size fits all (kinda) dress with one pound of makeup (to be fair it stayed on for 2 days in the intense sweating heat) and a doorknob style bun. We marched with a band to the ceremony into a village with no real roads and it was surreal! Yona and Sadar were bejeweled like royalty and the whole village was in attendance. It monsooned rain, but luckily we were under the part of the tarp without holes and when we ventured behind the tent we saw them cooking vats of soup and barrels of rice! I somehow got in the middle of the serving line and with no common language, I could still understand that she was saying how useless and unhelpful the man was beside her as he was taking a smoke break with his eyes closed! We traded my ring for her scarf before marching up and down the street again with the travelling band in the hot hot heat. Back at the resort we had a second dinner with a boat full of meat and the best fish and cauliflower soup I've ever had on the beach and danced our assess of til the morning.
Feb 14
Very hung over and the non-drinker was on her third mojito before 1pm and trying to balance bottles on her head. We bought some warm coconuts, added our own rum and sat with the children on the beach later that we would donate half of our suitcases too before we left. Visa frustrations for Dubai seemed to be getting us nowhere so we headed to Cafe 7 and since there's no real walls, the owners stocked up our drinks and let us stay while they headed out. Talking philosophy into the night, we got a ride home on the backs of motorbikes and the stars were absolutely amazing out there. We managed to drink the rest of our booze at the hut and had to kick our friends out.
Feb 15
Checked out hung over again which was not fun since we had to drive through many winding mountains to take a long boat to Gili Trawalgan. On this little island with no cars, only horse and carriage and bikes, we stayed at the Horizontal pimp pad adorned with red couches, music, our own hot tub and living room palace for $40/night.
Feb 16
Ate breakfast and pretty much walked directly into the ocean for snorkelling and saw a huge sea turtle so close when it came up for air beside me that I could almost touch it! For dinner, surprisingly this island had so much delicious tempeh and partied in the tiny dusty streets.
Feb 17
More snorkelling but after an hour and no turtles and some rough waves, we called it a day. A couple from Holland and an Aussie spotted the turtle so I gave them my camera and had them film it for me! It was such a cute island, with cute smiling boys and the occasional rain storm.
Feb 18
Back on the boat to Ubud and a two hour up and down ride that makes bucking broncos look like a walk in the park - literally every minute we flew out of our seats and thought I was going to hurl. Off the boat, we were shoved into the hands of the vendors until we could struggle free to our hotel, Alam Jiwa - the most beautiful hotel and gardens adorned with dragonflies, butterflies and a bright electric blue bird that flew over our balcony and by our open-concept washroom overlooking the rice fields. After some spinach and cream mashed potatoes we walked over the hill and through monkey forest in the dark - aaah!
Feb 19
Moved on to the Sonia hotel after a dip in the pool and then a day of sightseeing to the volcano and rice fields. My friend decided to do the tour at 2am to climb a volcano while I was trying to sort out our tickets online since we weren't going to be able to get a visa for Dubai in time. Finished off the day with some Balinese massages, coffee and their traditional puppet show that is definitely hilarious!
Feb 20
Sat in monkey forest and saw an Asian girl pet the monkey and promptly get bit. We tried to visit Ketut the medicine man from the movie 'Eat, pray, love' but he was full for the day. I indulged in the spa with a Lulur scrub, yogurt and massage with a rose petal bath overlooking rice fields - they honestly know how to make you feel like royalty while spending maybe $50.
Feb 21
We got up early and since we had happened upon a driver down the street who happened to be Ketut's nephew, we were first and second in line that day to see him. He read our palms, knees, face and back. He kept saying that if he were younger he would've made a move on us, but he can't make the sex anymore...We translated a letter from Liz Gilbert for him and were off after we found out about our futures. In the immediate future I signed up for a vegetarian cooking class that I cooked with a chef and an Aussie and we brought our leftovers back to our driver. Both of us bought some souvenir puppets and then got molested first by vendors and then by monkeys! We did give a monkey a Canadian flag and headed back to Kuta to hotel Maxi and into the same room we had left days earlier.
Feb 22
Got massages from a parlour run mostly by men and I will admit - we had Pizza Hut for dinner and watched all the old people and Americans that came in, but we just didn't care. I had a craving for cheese. After vowing that we weren't going to go drinking and watching people in the rain, we ended up at the bar again drinking jungle juice (it's cheap and delicious and filled with rum).
Took a nap and then out to Legian st. - otherwise known as "bar" alley and danced the night away in the land of the mother disco balls. I found a lime seed in my drink and almost freaked out, but it was a false alarm. Bali is beautiful with its little shrines everywhere and woven palm leaf boxes filled with rice, flowers and candy as offerings outside all of the shops. We were taking photos on the beach and a huge group of Muslim kids ran up and posed with us faster than any group shot I've ever arranged. It rained but brought no relief from the hot and sticky weather so we found some chips and called it a night.
Feb 10
Today we slept in and then walked to the beach where we got mucho harassed and Cassandra got conned for a dress that she couldn't even change into since the vendors hovered like vultures around her. So we found a taxi guy that was literally chilling in his trunk and bargained him down to 25k to go to Uluwatu temple (monkey temple). This is when we got into our first car accident backing out onto the street but he kept our fare and decided to fix his car later. On the tour we sidled in with another group that had a guide with a sling shot after we saw the monkeys steal some ladies hat! We even saw baby monkeys before we went for a seafood dinner at a beachfront restaurant where your table is in the sand and the sunset is beautiful.
Feb 11
Lombok - Rode the streets of Bali after partying into the wee hours of the morning on a motorbike with a local Bali boy named Leon and I had to hold my head up with my helmet on while we stopped to grab petrol behind other families that piled onto bikes ahead of us. After drinking on the beach, we've picked up phrases such as "she didn't did it" and "just like dat" before jumping on a 45 minute laugh your ass off flight to Lombok island. When we disembarked I was greeted with "Mr Jen Colenutt" has arrived and wondered when this sex change had taken place?! On our way to our beach hut in paradise we spotted my friend Yona that was getting married and after a tour of our amazing accommodations we finished the day off with paninis and salad.
Feb 12
The honeymoon hut even had a pool so we spent most of the day between there and the beach where kids were selling coconuts and had a machete as tall as they were, to hack the top off. We had a pre-wedding dinner on the side of a mountain and met Harpin, our cleaning guy that also washed my face, free of charge while repeatedly saying "nice body" over and over. The rest of the night was spent with the ladies in the garden pool, helping the bride destress and have a laugh at the flood that had just ravaged the wedding venue.
Feb 13
Today was the wedding day. Little did I know that I would be surprise dressing up in bridesmaid attire by the wedding planners that reminded me of a gay dance troupe. It was a one size fits all (kinda) dress with one pound of makeup (to be fair it stayed on for 2 days in the intense sweating heat) and a doorknob style bun. We marched with a band to the ceremony into a village with no real roads and it was surreal! Yona and Sadar were bejeweled like royalty and the whole village was in attendance. It monsooned rain, but luckily we were under the part of the tarp without holes and when we ventured behind the tent we saw them cooking vats of soup and barrels of rice! I somehow got in the middle of the serving line and with no common language, I could still understand that she was saying how useless and unhelpful the man was beside her as he was taking a smoke break with his eyes closed! We traded my ring for her scarf before marching up and down the street again with the travelling band in the hot hot heat. Back at the resort we had a second dinner with a boat full of meat and the best fish and cauliflower soup I've ever had on the beach and danced our assess of til the morning.
Feb 14
Very hung over and the non-drinker was on her third mojito before 1pm and trying to balance bottles on her head. We bought some warm coconuts, added our own rum and sat with the children on the beach later that we would donate half of our suitcases too before we left. Visa frustrations for Dubai seemed to be getting us nowhere so we headed to Cafe 7 and since there's no real walls, the owners stocked up our drinks and let us stay while they headed out. Talking philosophy into the night, we got a ride home on the backs of motorbikes and the stars were absolutely amazing out there. We managed to drink the rest of our booze at the hut and had to kick our friends out.
Feb 15
Checked out hung over again which was not fun since we had to drive through many winding mountains to take a long boat to Gili Trawalgan. On this little island with no cars, only horse and carriage and bikes, we stayed at the Horizontal pimp pad adorned with red couches, music, our own hot tub and living room palace for $40/night.
Feb 16
Ate breakfast and pretty much walked directly into the ocean for snorkelling and saw a huge sea turtle so close when it came up for air beside me that I could almost touch it! For dinner, surprisingly this island had so much delicious tempeh and partied in the tiny dusty streets.
Feb 17
More snorkelling but after an hour and no turtles and some rough waves, we called it a day. A couple from Holland and an Aussie spotted the turtle so I gave them my camera and had them film it for me! It was such a cute island, with cute smiling boys and the occasional rain storm.
Feb 18
Back on the boat to Ubud and a two hour up and down ride that makes bucking broncos look like a walk in the park - literally every minute we flew out of our seats and thought I was going to hurl. Off the boat, we were shoved into the hands of the vendors until we could struggle free to our hotel, Alam Jiwa - the most beautiful hotel and gardens adorned with dragonflies, butterflies and a bright electric blue bird that flew over our balcony and by our open-concept washroom overlooking the rice fields. After some spinach and cream mashed potatoes we walked over the hill and through monkey forest in the dark - aaah!
Feb 19
Moved on to the Sonia hotel after a dip in the pool and then a day of sightseeing to the volcano and rice fields. My friend decided to do the tour at 2am to climb a volcano while I was trying to sort out our tickets online since we weren't going to be able to get a visa for Dubai in time. Finished off the day with some Balinese massages, coffee and their traditional puppet show that is definitely hilarious!
Feb 20
Sat in monkey forest and saw an Asian girl pet the monkey and promptly get bit. We tried to visit Ketut the medicine man from the movie 'Eat, pray, love' but he was full for the day. I indulged in the spa with a Lulur scrub, yogurt and massage with a rose petal bath overlooking rice fields - they honestly know how to make you feel like royalty while spending maybe $50.
Feb 21
We got up early and since we had happened upon a driver down the street who happened to be Ketut's nephew, we were first and second in line that day to see him. He read our palms, knees, face and back. He kept saying that if he were younger he would've made a move on us, but he can't make the sex anymore...We translated a letter from Liz Gilbert for him and were off after we found out about our futures. In the immediate future I signed up for a vegetarian cooking class that I cooked with a chef and an Aussie and we brought our leftovers back to our driver. Both of us bought some souvenir puppets and then got molested first by vendors and then by monkeys! We did give a monkey a Canadian flag and headed back to Kuta to hotel Maxi and into the same room we had left days earlier.
Feb 22
Got massages from a parlour run mostly by men and I will admit - we had Pizza Hut for dinner and watched all the old people and Americans that came in, but we just didn't care. I had a craving for cheese. After vowing that we weren't going to go drinking and watching people in the rain, we ended up at the bar again drinking jungle juice (it's cheap and delicious and filled with rum).
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